Jokes - Punjabi Airlines

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh
welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in
taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the
bakery.

This is flight one-two-six to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not
guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our
favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our
passengers have reached their destination.

For the ones that don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the
requisite  experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess,
Bubbly, will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange
to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable,
we serve tea and biscuits. For our religious passengers, we are the only
airline who can help you find out if there really is a God.

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as
we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we
will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible
from the right side window of the cabin.

There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is
only the early warning system of the engines telling us to slow down. Life
jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made
available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency
jumps.

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible
for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and
fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who
can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant
for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my
nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the
cock pit.

Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY."


(Email from my Secondary School's friend - Aloysius Ang)